Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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