Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
