so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize