I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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