Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
