so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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