Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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