dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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