I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
