You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
