I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
