I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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