it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
