Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
