Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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