it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
