After last night, I could never be a politician.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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