I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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