Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.