my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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