i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
