What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
