george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
