It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
