Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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