ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Umm I'm too high to move.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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