UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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