Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize