Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
