You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
