You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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