He disabled his match.com account in front of me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
