Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
