Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
