In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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