i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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