How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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