Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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