so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
