I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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