Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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