so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
