evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Couch. On fire.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
