Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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