I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
