im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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