took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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