everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
