No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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