College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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