Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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