come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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