the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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