I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
