I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
