Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
