Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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