I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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