we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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