Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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