i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
