I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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