evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
