1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
