So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
