spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I want is dick and wine.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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