I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
