Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
