On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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