watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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